Family Picture May 2022

Family Picture May 2022

Monday, November 28, 2011

Blessings





We were blessed this year to be invited to Grandpa Neil's and Bonnie's home in Gunnison for Thanksgiving. We relaxed, made good food, ate more good food than was good for us, and looked at sales adds for Black Friday. Bonnie has a very nice home and a nice family too! They all bustled around and put on quite a production while us Schauers' did our best to help where we could. Bonnie's son in law made two deep-fried turkeys that were super delicious. And all the pumpkin and pecan pie we could eat for dessert! Yummy.
It was a quite pleasant day for late November, so a good part of the time we were in Gunnison was spent in the park. Weston played football catch and punt with Jared and his newly acquired cousin Braxton. The girls played on the playground with their little cousins Lexi, Ainsley, and Bella. I went back and forth visiting where there was someone to listen to me. :) Jared played football in the morning and afternoon.




Friday morning I actually got out the door at 4:30 am to do my Christmas shopping when things were on sale. It was very Black outside the whole time I was out, but fortunately there weren't too many crowds to contend with. Many stores start their "door busters" at midnight now so I hit 5 stores in 2 1/2 hours easily and am happy to say I'm done with my Christmas shopping. Jared did brave Walmart at 10:00 PM thanksgiving day and amazingly came out unscathed with the purchase he wanted. Jared also got us a Christmas gift: our very first TV (he bought it right in the middle of thanksgiving dinner online, but good thing he did because it sold out shortly after) at a great deal and we are excited about it. We left our projector and screen in our Orem house so this will be a nice addition to our basement family room.
The kids were anxious to get the Christmas tree up that very Friday so we got out all the decorations and made the family room very festive. Savanna Fiora and Weston were very helpful this year. Even Jared strung some garland.



We have been so blessed this year! We are grateful for many blessings from our Heavenly Father~
1. Good family, extended and immediate
2. Healthy children
3. A nice home
4. The hot tub (Heather)
5. Heather's job
6. Jared's business
7. A little fishing boat (Jared)
8. Renters
9. Hawaii trip
10. Graduation
11. Our Savior
12. Missionaries
13. Trust and love in our marriage
14. Children developing talents
15. Access to healthy foods all year round
16. Vehicles that function well
17. Computers
18. Good teachers and a good public school
19. Good neighbors and friends
20. Another day to live on this Earth!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Reflections


I haven't bothered getting my kids into Reflections entries for years, its just always been that one extra thing I don't have time for. But this year my 3rd grade daughter Fiora decided she wanted to enter a book in Reflections. The theme was "Diversity means..." I told Fiora that it was fine with me if she entered a book and go ahead and write a page on diversity. She impressively wrote "Diversity means...different. Everyone's different. It doesn't matter if we're white, brown, black, old or young, we can still be friends. If you don't know someone, get to know them!" and then she drew two hands shaking. I thought that was pretty good straight out of her head with no help from mom or dad. So I encouraged her to write a page every day and illustrate what she wrote about, and I only helped her with the content on the last page to help tie the story together, and after 3 weeks it was done. Well this past week was an awards assembly and Fiora won the Award of Excellence in literature and was selected to move to the district competition! She's a pretty good little writer!
Here are a few excerpts, I couldn't scan the whole book because I ran out of time, if and when we ever get it back I will scan the rest.





Savanna wanted to enter something too, so she took some pictures of different things and made a poster. I asked her to frame it so it would look nicer and then we cound out that frames are not allowed, so she got an honorable mention in the awards ceremony but was disappointed to not move on. Next year Savanna!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

thoughts on parenting



Savanna often sits in the front seat when I drive the kids to school. Lately she has not been in the greatest of moods and as we are driving and I'm asking her questions about this and that she perceives what I say as attacks and becomes defensive. Savanna and I are very different in many ways and soemtimes when I try to help her it comes across as trying to correct her. For instance, she has a hard time keeping track of things and has a harder time owning it, and I'm not sure what to do to help her and how to keep from being offended by her. Here are some of our dialogues:

The Lost Shoulder Rest
Mom: Where's the shoulder rest for your violin?
Sav: I put it in the side pocket of my backpack.
Mom: Yes I noticed that yesterday. That may not be the greatest place to put it because it could fall out.
Sav: Its FINE mom, it hasn't fallen out.
Mom: So where is it?
Sav: I don't know. It has to be here, I remember it being in my backpack when I got out of the car.
Mom: when I lose things sometimes it helps to say a prayer--
Sav:[rolling her eyes, cutting me off] just! no! its not lost!
(The next day.)
Mom: So what are you planning to do today to find your violin shoulder rest?
Sav: DON'T SAY THAT! DON'T EVEN SAY IT!

The Lost Jacket
Mom: "Be sure to grab a jacket, its cold today."
Sav: "I'm NOT taking my coat, its big and poofy and not cold enough, I look stupid, WHERE'S MY JACKET?"
Mom: "I'm leaving in 1 minute."
Sav:"Well if anyone asks me where my jacket is I'll tell them my mom would let me wear one!"
Mom: "You are welcome to wear mine."
Sav: "YOUR IS UGLY, no way!"
Mom: "1 minutes up, lets go."
Sav: [storms out the door]
At School
Mom: "Here's my jacket Savanna, I need you to wear this because I don't want you telling people I didn't let you wear one."
Sav: [Snatches the jacket and slams the door]
Mom: Bye I love you!

I don't write this to make Savanna look bad, its actually about how I realize I have set something up in my parenting that has caused her to be more defensive than she needs to be when she loses something. Its never too late to try though, so I'm trying now to do better. In both of these cases I wanted to yell "how dare you talk to me like that" or "that hurt my feelings!" but that would put us deeper into the power struggle, so I was silent, trying now to figure out how to help her learn not only how to keep better track of things but how to hold her accountable for disrespectful behavior without feeling attacked. What do YOU think?

This month started with something very out of the ordinary and out of my comfort zone that has since plummeted me on a quest for the truths about parenting. I was asked by ABC4 to come on Good Morning Utah and give parenting tips and advice for parents in the community that may worry their kids are involved in drugs and gangs and don't know it. I was only given 12 hours notice and only given 3-5 minutes per interview, and the only reason why I agreed to do it was because they acted so desparate I was afraid they would get someone who had no mental health training at all on there, and my supervisor encouraged me to do it. Considering it was my first attempt at anything like that, I feel I did pretty well. But looking back on it I saw thousands of ways it could have been better. Parenting is something very difficult to "teach" because there are so many different ways it could be done wrong and many different ways to do it right and different people choose different battles to engage in, and agency is involved so you have to be careful about hinting that the cause of children's choices is because of the parents' choices. And yet parenting is one of the most serious and difficult and important thing we as people do! I didn't like being in a position to spout out 3 or 4 tips for parenting under the circumstance that your child may be involved in drugs, there are too many variables involved. "When the time for decision arrives, the time for preparation is past." Its true there are some things all parents can do better, and if moms and dads all did certain important things with their kids I would probably have less clients than I do. But how do you "let your voice be heard" without making parents look bad? My supervisor suggested that I give a free seminar to the public in order to build my clientelle, so I picked the delicate subject of parenting. I did more research and implemented some parenting strategies in my family and wrote my ideas down. I tweeked and modified and added and took out and added more and carefully worded and finally created a seminar to give to the public. I presented it to Jared, he liked it and gave me suggestions. I presented it to my supervisor, he liked it and gave me suggestions. So I tweeked it some more. Hopefully I will be able to present it in January. It has taught me a lot about my own parenting style and how amazing and resilient children are. I have such a great appreciation for my healthy, smart, and loving children, and such a great respect for parents of children who have disabilities. Its hard enough parenting children who develop as expected in society, add some kind of learning or emotional disability and the toll on parents is much higher. So would I ever do a TV interview on parenting again? No. My seminar is an hour and I still have to leave out volumes of information. Parenting is so much more than a list of concrete bullet points! But I would like to reassure every parent that there are ways to make it better, and so they can rest assured that the time, prayers, love, strength, courage, humility, hard work, and patience they are putting into their children is right and good even if their child makes a choice they don't agree with. I wish to celebrate and educate and validate parents, and interestingly enough, that's what I'm trying to do for my children as well. I love you Savanna!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

My FAVORITE holiday

Nope, halloween is my least favorite holiday. To me it involves too much preparation, too much candy, and not enough reason to even exist. We have parties and parades and eating junk and I always wonder, what are we celebrating again? This year I learned the cultural reasons it is celebrated, and that helps me understand it better, but gave me no more appreciation for it. If you would like to hear the history of its origin, you can view it HERE.

Fun for the kids though. I was really hands off on the costuming this year, as my suggestions are usually ignored (except last year when I made that Aang costume for Weston, that was so awesome!) and when I try to assist in THEIR ideas I usually bung them up. Me and Savanna in particular. This year all three thought of their own costumes and all three dressed themselves up and all three were satisfied and happy. Savanna asked me several times if she looked good and I smiled and nodded, but can a Zombie really look "good?" She was totally into creating it, tattering clothes, makeup, she wanted to look SCARY! (I prefer cute costumes like Minnie Mouse, fairies, Mary Poppins, etc.) Fiora was Frankensteins Bride, then a witch. Weston was Harry Potter. He actually made a very convincing Harry.






One thing I like is carving pumpinks and harvesting the seeds. We all around here love roasted pumpkin seeds! The kids are old enough to clean their own pumpkins now, and draw their faces for carving, Savanna even carved hers without any help from me. Its great!




Justin and Kali Barrett hosted a halloween party for just the Barretts. They are so great at decorating and making yummy treats! (I loved the skull with the ham slices all over it.) Three times I was offered a pudding cup with oreos (one of my favorite treats) and I'll have you know that twice I was strong and declined, but when sweet Mekhi brought one too me and firmly said "Here!" that was it, I indulged. Justin's baby Dextin was the cutest little monkey, he was passed around and gushed over by all of us the whole party.




The Lindon 9th ward had a ward soup dinner and trunk or treat on Saturday. OK, I had no idea how big that was around here, I brought some granola bars and about 60 little candy bars, thinking I had PLENTY, but somehow hundreds of kids were coming out of nowhere, and we ran out of treats first and had to shut our trunk. So on Monday I had to go buy more candy for actual Halloween, and bought way too much this time, because apparantly trunk-or-treat is ALL they do here, we had maybe 7 or 8 trickortreaters all night. I was sooo frustrated for buying so much candy I made Jared take the kids to our old neighborhood and get more candy just so I could justify the amount I'd spent! Now there is entirely TOO MUCH sugar in our rooms, fridge, and freezer, and I was tempted to eat a candy bar yet again and suffered with a head ache and drowsiness and irritability for an hour after. I keep thinking that consequence won't happen one of these times. (Maybe the abundance of temptation to eat badly is the real reason I hate halloween, but seriously, what are we celebrating again?)

In Memory of Lillian

In Memory of Lillian
Our Family