Point Reward System

Last weekend we had a blowup with a fighting episode. I made everyone sit on the floor of the living room and come up with a solution to the contention, and this only made Savanna's belligerence worse and she ended up losing TV privileges for a week. Weston and Fiora came up with some "mean charts," the theme of which was to see how long you can go without being mean, and if you can go all week you are rewarded, but if are mean you have to start over. Hmmm. I felt like I was inadvertently "rewarding the negative" behavior by giving them my attention when they were "bad" and doling out consequences in the heat of the moment (Savanna being off tv for a week made us all miserable) was something I have known-better to not do for a long time. I was slipping back to my old ways. The same afternoon, "coincidentally," my supervisor gave me an effective parenting intervention that "rewards the positive" for a client I've been working with, so I took action and transferred this system to our home.

Its a point-earning system. The kids have three rules, mostly having to do with prohibiting contentious behavior, and they earn points by keeping these rules (aka not fighting).  All the rest of the points are earned by positive behavior and responsibilities, so it keeps me on my toes making sure I'm doling out points if there isn't any teasing yelling or forcing going on, and its also helped me notice how much positive behavior is going on, and its really helped the kids perpetuate the positive. For example, this morning Savanna gave me a word-search to complete, and its title was MOTHER and the words were SMART, BEAUTIFUL, KIND, LOVING.  This not only made my day that Savanna thought these things, but it earned her 5 points for giving a compliment. Yesterday Fiora said "Thanks for all your hard work mom." This earned her 5 points for a positive and grateful attitude.  Keeping a room clean is 5 points.  Doing chores and practicing without being asked is worth 10 points.  Going the whole day without any fighting is worth 50.  The kids gave their input on how they would be able to spend their points, and so far its really improved the atmosphere in our home, probably more due to the simple fact that we are all focusing on and perpetuating positive behavior rather than that fighting has been eliminated.  So far it has been a great solution.